chapter 2

Most people would agree with the idea of “planning” parenthood, i.e. the idea that you should not become a parent until you are ready physically, financially, emotionally, and socially to take responsibility for the life-changing event of bringing a new child into the world. In practice, the organization known as Planned Parenthood is better known as the largest provider of abortions in the United States, and has been a vocal opponent of abstinence education, so when we first saw a publication by Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey called Making Sense of Abstinence, we were curious to find out what its approach would be.

The introduction expresses frustration that “more than a billion dollars has been poured into federally funded abstinence-only education” and that “ ‘abstinence’ was quickly becoming part of the language and culture in which our teens live,” apparently not a good thing!

The introduction continues by declaring that “this manual stresses the importance of defining ‘abstinence’ for oneself. It includes information on a variety of behaviors that may be congruent with one’s personal decisions. Making Sense of Abstinence is empowering, not fear-based or directive. It teaches accurate information, not theology or morality.”

In the first activity, called “Yes? No? Maybe So?” students are provided a list of activities and asked to decide if one can do these and still be called “abstinent.” Suggested activities include: “cuddle with someone with no clothes on, give someone a body massage, masturbate when alone, masturbate with a partner, receive a body massage, rub bodies together, touch a girl’s breasts, touch a partner’s buttocks, touch a partner’s genitals.” Our first reaction is that if students weren’t thinking of having sex before, they sure are now! In fact, most of these activities remind us of a word that we couldn’t find anywhere in the manual: foreplay. The authors cite no research that teenagers who engage in these activities avoid going on to engage in sexual intercourse at higher rates than teenagers who keep their clothes on and who keep their hands to themselves! The manual also fails to mention that some sexually transmitted infections including human papilloma virus (HPV) are spread by skin to skin contact, or that viruses like HPV live on the skin in the genital area. Here is one problem with letting students “choose for themselves what abstinence means.” If they are not given honest medical information, they could make choices that they will bitterly regret.